Christmas Food Jokes
What do ducks do before Christmas dinner?
Pull their Christmas quackers!
Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our chef. He’s a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker?
My pop is bigger than yours!
Last year’s Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.
That’s probably why the ocean’s full of currants!
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?
How do you tell the difference between tinned Christmas turkey and tinned Christmas pudding?
Look at the labels!
We had grandma for Christmas dinner?
Really, we had turkey!
This turkey tastes like an old settee.
Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!
What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner?
“Whalemeat again, don’t know where, don’t know when “!
Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It was looking forward to Christmas!
What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
“‘Tis the season to be jelly!”
Will the Christmas pudding be long?
No, it’ll be the traditional round!
What happens when you eat Christmas tree decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!
This Christmas turkey’s disgusting!
Well, you asked for a foul roast!
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey – he’s always stuffed!
A man went to a butcher’s and saw that the turkeys were $1.50 a pound. He said to the butcher, ‘Do you raise them yourself?’
‘Of course I do,’ the butcher replied. ‘They were only 75 cents a pound this morning!’
Is that policeman eating turkey?
No, he’s eating truncheon meat.
What’s the most common wine at Christmas?
Do I have to have the brussel sprouts!
What’s brown and creeps around the house?
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else!
Heard you got a chicken for Christmas. What’s it name?
What did he use to make it?
Elf-raising flour, of course.
What do you drain Christmas dinner brussel sprouts with?
An advent colander!
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Mother bought a huge turkey for Christmas dinner.’That must have cost a fortune!’ I said .
‘Actually I got it for a poultry amount,’ she said.
I’d like Father Christmas stew.
Er… how do you make Father Christmas stew?
You keep him waiting half an hour!
Santa you have put on more weight?
I know, It always snacks up on me!
I thought you were trying to get into shape this Christmas?
I am. The look I’ve selected is the Santa look!
Ever wonder way Santa gives young kids bottles of Evian water?
Just spell “Evian” backwards! (naive)
What do Santa’s elves stamp their gingerbread men packets every year?
NEW IMPROVED – Made the old fashioned way!
Why do roosters love Christmas?
It’s all breasts and legs!
I am on my sea food diet right now!
How does it work?
Whenever I see food I eat it!
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks!
What’s the fastest cake in the world?
Why did the kids start eating the puzzle on Christmas?
Because their uncle said that it was a piece of cake!
When is a Christmas cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why was the Christmas cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What do they serve at Christmas parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Why did the Christmas cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What did the Christmas turkey say to the unhappy chicken?
“What’s eating you?”
Why did the Christmas cake goto the police station?
Because over the last few days it had been beaten, whipped, cut, sliced and rough handled.